My Dad was a research chemist. He is now with the Lord, but I have heard that Edwin P. Plueddemann continues his research from heaven. There is a heavenly rumor that he has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element know this far to science. The element, tentatively named Administradium, was discovered by Ed in heaven. It has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of zero. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administradium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact. According to the discoverers, a tiny amount of Administradium caused one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally occur in less than 1 second.
Administradium has a normal half-life of approximately 3 years. At this time it doesn't actually decay but instead undergoes reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.
Researchers in other laboratories have indicated that Administradium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate in certain places such as universities, government agencies, large corporations, and school systems. The element is usually found only in the newest, best appointed and best-maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administradium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administradium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results are not promising.
Adapted from: http://www.crummy.com/warren/files/06/admin.txt
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